I have bad self esteem when it comes to my walk with Jesus because I feel so unworthy of Him. I’ve been trying to listen more intently when God speaks to me, but I’m really bad about shrugging things off because I usually think “well, God wouldn’t ask ‘me’ to do something like that. I’m a terrible Christian, so He should probably get somebody more spiritually mature to do that.” I usually end up listening to this logic, and end up doing NOTHING for God. This cycle of faulty logic finally came to an end on Christmas Eve 2006. So here’s the story…

Jessica has been getting on me lately about singing in church. I’ve always promised her that I’d do it sometime, but I never got around to it. That all changed when she found a song called “While You Were Sleeping” by Casting Crowns. I loved the song the first time I heard it, and so I learned it (which turned out to be my undoing as far as singing in church goes). Jessica insisted that I sing it on Christmas Eve at the candlelight service. I half-heartedly told her I would do it, but I figured I could find some way out of it. But I didn’t…

I was extremely nervous, and everybody kept telling me to just sing it for God, and not to worry about the people there, which is good advice, but easier said than done. However, our worship leader, Jim Farmer, gave me some sound advice about imagining everybody in their underwear, and that lightened things up for me. When my time came, I got up there (while a video was playing) and said a quick private prayer (one of many I prayed that day) and asked God to please not let the attention be on me, but let all the attention be on Him. I was fortunate to have Elaine Hutchison, an absolutely wonderful musician and person, up there with me and she did an awesome job accompanying me on the keyboard. The time came, and I sang the song. I’ve never felt such relief as I did after that song was over. I felt like God might have been pleased with me for obeying Him, and that’s a rare feeling for me.

I don’t feel like I did a great job on the song (I’m not a singer, I’m a guitar player), but I feel like this was something God has been wanting me to do for Him for a long time. I want to do whatever God wants me to do. I don’t want to deny Him of anything I can do for Him. Even if it seems strange to me that He would want me to do something that seems out of character for me, I should do it anyway, and without even thinking twice about it. I pray that I’ll reach that point in my walk with Jesus where I’ll just do things for Him without even thinking about it.

I wish my mom could have been there to see me sing. She always wanted me to sing, but I usually shrugged her requests off, too. It’s times like this where I wish I could go back in time and sing for her every time she asked me to, but it’s impossible now. However, when I look back, there is something to be learned from denying my mother’s requests… That is, I should strive to never reach a point in my life where I’ll wish I could go back and do the things God asked me to do throughout my life.

Psalms 104:33 - I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.