Seen on a friend’s blog: “I am pretty happy with my life right now.”

I wish I could say that. I know I could be a lot more miserable in my life if certain things were to happen, but I’m pretty bad off as of right now. Many changes are happening in my life right now, and I find myself lost on how to cope with each change. I’ve usually been a pretty stable guy when it comes to dealing with change, or problems, but lately I’ve found that I’ve become weak, and struggle with everything that comes up in my personal life.

With all the diversity I grew up around, I’m very aware that I owe my life to God for turning out the way I have. Yet, I struggle with giving my life to Him. And it’s not because I feel like I can’t live my life for him. Aside from occassional swearing, I live a sin-free life. So why don’t I do this? Why do I struggle with this? I don’t know the answers to these questions. This is one change that I need to go on and accept. God wants me, so who am I to deny Him after all he’s done for me?

Another thing that keeps coming up in my life is the hatred for programming. I still enjoy it from time to time, but after a while I begin to wonder…where is this going to take me in life? Is this what I’m put here on earth to do? If so, why do I love it for 6 months, and then hate it for 2 or 3 months, and then love it again for 6 months, and then hate it again? There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about this, and wonder if my life is supposed to be spent writing programs, and building websites.

My mother always says that music is my calling. I’ve always thought she was being ridiculous, but I’ve been thinking that over and have become open-minded about it. I have talent, yet I deny myself when admitting to it. I don’t go around bragging on myself or anything, but when I’m truly honest with myself, I will admit that I have a knack for music. I gave up the dream of being a professional musician many years ago, but it’s been resurfacing lately.

I’m not the kind of person to make spur-of-the-moment decisions, so I have a plan…sort of. Get right with God, and let Him steer me where he wants me. That’s really the solution to…well…all of my problems.