Today has been an unprecedented day for me. It’s been such an outstanding day that I can’t even make myself go to sleep. So as my mind keeps replaying this day in my head, I want to take the time to write things down here so I never forget how special this day was for me.

The day started off with what some people may consider an inconvenience. My little girl, America, woke up crying around 6AM this morning, so I went to her room, got her out of bed, and put her in bed with me and Jessica. I didn’t want to stimulate her because I wanted her to get her sleep, so I didn’t say anything to her. I just put her head on my shoulder and carried her to our bed as she put her arms around my neck and quietened down. By the time we got to the bed, I was sure she had gone back to sleep. When we got in bed beside Jessica, I looked over at America as I patted her on the back to soothe her. She appeared to be sound asleep until I saw her open her eyes, look at me, and then smile her cute little smile at me. I smiled and then stifled a little laugh as I realized she was feeling a little mischieveous being in bed with her mom and dad. Now some people may think of something like this as being an inconvience, and get no joy from it at all, but it wasn’t the case for me. You see, it always makes me happy to see my children react to me with happiness like that. I’ve said it before, maybe on the family blog, but I really feel a strong love from/for my children that I haven’t really felt since my mother died. Don’t get me wrong, I’d die for Jessica, but trying to define love for your kids, or love from your kids, is like trying to define love itself… it’s indescribable. I never want to take my kids for granted.
After a big push to get to church on time, we arrived late. After we were seated, a friend pulled me aside to share some good news with me about his wife being pregnant with their third child. I was ecstatic!  I wasn’t around the two of them when they had either of their first two children, but God willing I will be around for this one! I’m excited, to say the least, so I can only imagine how excited they are… truly great news!

I went back to my seat and enjoyed the worship service, which was being lead by the Bedford Acres Youth. Jessica leaned over to me and pointed out that Coach D. Robinson would be giving the sermon. I didn’t know who he was, but WOW… he was excellent! I enjoyed his sermon, and I got a lot from it about being a witness, and how important it is to be a good witness to our children. After his sermon, an invitation was given. As I was standing there singing, I saw Jessica leave our row of seats and I assumed she was going to the bathroom because she hasn’t been feeling good lately. However, instead of turning toward the back of the church, she turned toward the front and began walking up front where she knelt and prayed. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to interfere with her prayer, so I stayed in my seat. As I sat there, I prayed that God would help her with whatever she has on her heart. Little did I know that I was really praying for something that I pray for ALL the time. She later revealed to me what she had prayed about and I was sort of shocked by what she said. I won’t say what it was on here, but there’s nothing she could have said to me to make me any happier. I can only pray that God answers our prayers.

And speaking of answered prayers, it was announced at the end of the church service that our interim pastor, and one of my favorite people of ALL TIME, David Casey, had been unanimously voted to be our next senior pastor! Dave is an amazing friend, and an incredible preacher. This was some of the best news I’d heard in a LONG time. I was so happy that I just thanked God over and over for giving us this awesome guy as our pastor. I can’t wait to see how God uses him as the official senior pastor of Bedford Acres Christian Church.

And that’s pretty much how this unlikely day, filled with nothing but good news, started out and ended. I spent the rest of the day with Jessica and her family, and some friends. Days like this don’t happen very often for me. I get so discouraged throughout a given week that I don’t expect much in the way of good news. But it seems that all those weeks/days/months without good news were really having their good news stored up for this day. I have heard it said that “every failure is a prayer failure”, and I really believe that. God answers prayers all the time, it’s just that we just don’t always see them answered because they might not have turned out the way we wanted, or we take so many things for granted that we can’t see the answer right in front of us. But this day was filled with obvious blessings and I’m especially thankful. God is good, all the time! Believe that!

I’ve decided to write this post as a testament to what God does when you stand up for Him, and live by your convictions.

I’ve been in the 27 South band for about two years. Although I’ve always been a lead guitarist in every other band or group I’ve been a part of, I was asked to play bass in 27 South. I was told this band would be a praise and worship band, and that’s one of the main reasons I joined. I had played bass in church several times, so it was no big deal to me.

As time went by, we slowly abandoned praise and worship music and became a regular rock band whose rule was “We will NEVER play in bars.” Although I wasn’t a Christian at the time I joined this band, I was pleased with this rule. I’ve never wanted to play music in bars, period. I hate the smell of alcohol and cigarettes, and I don’t like being around drunk people. I became a Christian during my time with 27 South, so this rule meant more to me than just a personal preference.

We stuck by the “no bars” rule for quite a while, but after disappointing gigs at places other than bars, we relented somewhat and started playing at a place called Sweet Potatoes in Versailles, KY. This place was a restaurant that also had a bar (like most restaurants these days). At first I was apprehensive about playing there. I was worried it would be a drunken bar, but it turned out not that it wasn’t. However, it was bad in it’s own way. People were drinking alcohol there, and the place was very smoky.

My first clue that I shouldn’t have been there was when pregnant wife came to watch us play at our first gig. Although I wanted her to come and see us play, I was worried about her being in such a smoky place.

My second clue that I shouldn’t have been there was that we played on Saturday nights until 12:00am. We wouldn’t get home before 1:30am or 2:00am, and I always came home smelling like smoke. But the really bothersome thing was that I’d have to get up early on Sunday morning to go to our praise band rehearsal (for church). I recall taking my shower, getting my clothes ironed, shining my shoes, and then going to my room to get my gig bag. When I picked that thing up, the smell of smoke was overwhelming. I was embarrassed to pack that smelly thing in the church. I did that several times, and each time it bothered me more and more. I wanted to say something to the band members about how it bothers me to play at Sweet Potatoes, but I let it go.

On April 10, our little girl came along. I took time off from the band and they continued to play at Sweet Potatoes. At this time I decided it would be a good time for me to just quit the band. My main reason for quitting was the whole bar thing. I felt the band would eventually begin to play more bars if we became so comfortable playing at Sweet Potatoes. However, everyone around me told me I was quitting for the wrong reasons (my own wife told me the same thing). I began to feel like I was letting people down, so against my better judgment, I stayed in the band.

We had a practice a practice on Tuesday, August 21st. It was at this practice that our band leader (Mike) informed us that he had talked to a local venue (The Cue) and was looking to get us a gig there. Although everybody else in the band was ok with it, I was not. I told him I didn’t want to play there. He then told me that the place was no worse than Sweet Potatoes, but I went on to tell everyone about how I’ve been struggling with playing Sweet Potatoes, and that I didn’t want to go back there and play either.

I’m not sure what made me suddenly stand up for my convictions, but playing at The Cue was completely out of the question for me. That place is definitely a bar to me. Yes, they serve food, but after 9:00PM (the time we were supposed to start playing) the only thing that’s served there is alcohol. I was asked to consider playing there, and I said I would, but my mind was made up already. I did give it some thought throughout the week, but my mind never changed.

On Monday, August 27 I received a call from Mike. He asked if I was still against playing at The Cue and Sweet Potatoes, and I said “yes”. I told him I felt personally convicted about playing those places, and that I wasn’t trying to be judgmental towards them, and I didn’t want to keep them from playing places, so if he found a replacement for me, I wouldn’t have any hard feelings. I even went on to tell him that if that’s the direction the band was going in, then it might be best to find a permanent replacement for me, and I wouldn’t be offended if he did so. Mike agreed that it would be best if we just parted ways after the August 31st gig.

I emailed a friend at work and told him about what had happened and he asked me what I had planned to do next. I told him I was planning on maybe taking jazz piano lessons or something, but I really didn’t have any definite plans. It seems God did!

Later that same day, I received a telephone call from Trish Torline. I met Trish at Bedford Acres Christian Church back in June. She had come to play a couple of her original (Christian) songs for us. She needed a bass player, so I sat in and played bass with her that day. Apparently, she hadn’t forgotten me.

When I talked to her she told me she was in need of a bass player for her band. I was in shock. I stuttered and stumbled over my words because I suddenly came to the realization that God had made all this happen for a reason. On the same day that I left one band that I felt was headed in the wrong direction (for me, spiritually), I was asked to join an incredibly good Christian band. I accepted the offer. I told everybody I was afraid to NOT take the offer for fear that God would kill me (joking, of course).

It’s very obvious to me that God wanted this to happen. I’m a terrible Christian. I try hard to do things right, but I always mess something up along the way. But God loves me and forgives me for things when I ask Him. I’m completely unworthy of such a blessing as what God did for me in this situation. It’s sort of scary for me to think that God is doing something with my musical abilities. It’s hard to imagine that God has an interest in me, but somehow He does and I thank Him for that.

The lesson to be learned here is to follow your convictions, and truth will stand!

I’m always amazed at God’s faithfulness. I’ve been sick all day today, and I must admit that I have been somewhat depressed. I came home from work early today and slept in order to get myself feeling better. When I woke up hours later, I half-heartedly checked my email to see if I had received anything important. Indeed, I had.

My sister (who has no idea of how I’ve been feeling today) sent some emails to me with links to songs and sermons of the Holiness Church (like the one I grew up in). She had pointed me to a song called “Holy Spirit Flow Through Me” which was indeed a great song and I was uplifted by it. But then she had sent another email suggesting I listen to a sermon from back in 1958 by Scott B. Pyle called “Standing Grace”. Hearing Mr. Pyle’s sermon encouraged me and lifted me up as I sat here (sick) at my desk, captivated for nearly 35 minutes non-stop listening to this sermon, and Mr. Pyle’s testimony. I heard myself saying “Amen!” at so many places throughout this sermon.

I want to say how much I believe God is faithful to all of us. God wants us to be together in church every time the doors are open in order to worship and glorify Him, and encourage and strengthen each other in our Christian faith. I’ve been blessed today by this song, this sermon, and by my sister’s emails which pointed me to them. So I want to share a story/parable I received a while back which demonstrates the importance of encouraging each other in our walk with Jesus.

Parable Of The Spoon
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, “Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.”

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, “You have seen Hell.”

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, “I don’t understand.” It is simple” said the Lord, “it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other.”

I have bad self esteem when it comes to my walk with Jesus because I feel so unworthy of Him. I’ve been trying to listen more intently when God speaks to me, but I’m really bad about shrugging things off because I usually think “well, God wouldn’t ask ‘me’ to do something like that. I’m a terrible Christian, so He should probably get somebody more spiritually mature to do that.” I usually end up listening to this logic, and end up doing NOTHING for God. This cycle of faulty logic finally came to an end on Christmas Eve 2006. So here’s the story…

Jessica has been getting on me lately about singing in church. I’ve always promised her that I’d do it sometime, but I never got around to it. That all changed when she found a song called “While You Were Sleeping” by Casting Crowns. I loved the song the first time I heard it, and so I learned it (which turned out to be my undoing as far as singing in church goes). Jessica insisted that I sing it on Christmas Eve at the candlelight service. I half-heartedly told her I would do it, but I figured I could find some way out of it. But I didn’t…

I was extremely nervous, and everybody kept telling me to just sing it for God, and not to worry about the people there, which is good advice, but easier said than done. However, our worship leader, Jim Farmer, gave me some sound advice about imagining everybody in their underwear, and that lightened things up for me. When my time came, I got up there (while a video was playing) and said a quick private prayer (one of many I prayed that day) and asked God to please not let the attention be on me, but let all the attention be on Him. I was fortunate to have Elaine Hutchison, an absolutely wonderful musician and person, up there with me and she did an awesome job accompanying me on the keyboard. The time came, and I sang the song. I’ve never felt such relief as I did after that song was over. I felt like God might have been pleased with me for obeying Him, and that’s a rare feeling for me.

I don’t feel like I did a great job on the song (I’m not a singer, I’m a guitar player), but I feel like this was something God has been wanting me to do for Him for a long time. I want to do whatever God wants me to do. I don’t want to deny Him of anything I can do for Him. Even if it seems strange to me that He would want me to do something that seems out of character for me, I should do it anyway, and without even thinking twice about it. I pray that I’ll reach that point in my walk with Jesus where I’ll just do things for Him without even thinking about it.

I wish my mom could have been there to see me sing. She always wanted me to sing, but I usually shrugged her requests off, too. It’s times like this where I wish I could go back in time and sing for her every time she asked me to, but it’s impossible now. However, when I look back, there is something to be learned from denying my mother’s requests… That is, I should strive to never reach a point in my life where I’ll wish I could go back and do the things God asked me to do throughout my life.

Psalms 104:33 - I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

I accepted Jesus as my personal savior on November 13, 2005. The memory is still fresh in my mind because I have never experienced anything so life-changing as deciding to surrender my life to Jesus.

In the weeks leading up to my decision, our pastor, Jim Hutchison, talked to me about salvation. I had a lot of questions, and opinions. I kept telling him that I didn’t think I could become a member of a church (Bedford Acres) that was so different from the church I grew up in, which was the Bible Holiness Church (a Holiness Church that doesn’t speak in tongues). I remember telling him that my mom would never believe I was saved if I didn’t do it at the Holiness Church. Jim’s wise words to me were “Kevin, no church can save you. The Bible Holiness Church can’t save you. Bedford Acres Christian Church can’t save you, nor can any other church save you. The only thing that can save you is Jesus. You need to make your decision for Him, not the church.”

At that point, I was dumbfounded. All of my questioning seemed more like an attempt at making excuses after hearing Jim tell me that. He was right and I could no longer deny what I needed to do. I fought with myself for two weeks after that, trying to find some hole in Jim’s logic, but I couldn’t. At this same time I had been listening to Pastor Jeff Fugate (Pastor at Clays Mill Road Baptist Church) for many months and I heard him say the very same words Jim had said about the church not being able to save a person.

I also remember a woman in the congregation coming up to me right before the worship service began and she asked me “Kevin, how is your relationship with God doing?” I told her “Well, right now I don’t have one with Him.” She asked me why, and I told her about my family and the Bible Holiness Church and how different they were from Bedford Acres. She then told me about how she was raised in a Mormon church, and she went “against the grain” with her family when she decided to leave their church. She gave me a lot of encouragement, and it seemed very ironic to me that she would come to me and ask me about this when I hadn’t discussed anything like this with anybody other than Jim, so I decided to ask her why she decided to ask me about my relationship with God. She said “I just felt lead to ask you about it. I kept feeling like I needed to ask you.”

At that point I was fully convinced that God was after me big-time. I still fought with myself about it, but I finally accepted Jesus as Savior and I’m so thankful I did so.

I often look back on my life and see times in my life where it was obvious that God was always looking out for me. With all the things I grew up around, I could easily be an alcoholic, a drug-addict, or who-knows-what, but I never did those things despite my environment, and I thank God for that. For some reason (unknown to me right now) He set me apart from that kind of lifestyle. I continually pray that God will put me to use for Him. I’m not sure that He hasn’t already started me down the path to making that happen, but He will reveal it to me when He’s ready.

So today I complete one year as a believer in Christ. I love Him, and thank Him for everything He has done, and continues to do, for me. I don’t want to take a single blessing for granted.

I was on my way to work this morning when I got behind a flat-bed truck that had “Romans 10:9″ painted along the back edge of the bed. It got me thinking about an ex-member of our church that had Nehemiah 8:10 printed on his work vans. I was impressed with both of these guys, as I get a certain amount of joy when I see people professing the Gospel publicly like that.

So I started thinking about what Nehemiah 8:10 actually says (paraphrased): for the joy of the Lord is my strength…

That verse has a lot of meaning to me, not only because I find it to be true, but also because it was used in my wife’s senior newspaper when she was a senior. There was a section where seniors were allowed to give their last statements for the entire school to read (sort of like getting the last word). I remember reading some of the entries that talked about living only for the moment, partying, and there were even some derrogatory remarks that some students made at each other. However, among all that garbage was a single remark that read: “The joy of the Lord will be my strength. - Nehemiah 8:10″.

I was kind of surprised by this as I hadn’t really seen any Christian remarks among all the juvenile trash talk, and I was even more surprised to see that it was my girlfriend who had done this as her “last statement”. At the time, I was not a born-again Christian, but she was, so I was pretty impressed that she had taken such a bold step forward to profess her faith among a student body that would most likely ridicule her for it. But that’s just the way she was, and still is.. I know this because that girlfriend is now my wife.

When I look back on my life, I can see so many times where my life could have taken a terrible path, but I somehow took the right path. I believe God is 100% responsible for this. Other than God curing my mom of cancer (the doctors gave her only 3 months to live, but God gave her 30 years more), I consider the greatest miracle to happen in my life is that God put me in place to meet my wife. She is a blessing to me, and she never gave up on me becoming a Christian. She kept encouraging me to go to church with her, and I did, even though I always had some snide remark about “her” church. Well now “her” church is “our” church, and I couldn’t be happier.

The providence in all of this is that I had been dating a girl that was the exact opposite of my wife. I won’t sit here and trash her, but I remember thinking “I don’t ever want to date another girl like that again. I want a girlfriend who goes to church, and has morals, etc., etc.” Well I met that perfect girl for me when she and I worked at Food Lion, and I remember finding out how she was a devout Christian, and how she asked off at work for church activities, etc. I also remember thinking that a good girl like that wouldn’t have anything to do with me (not that I was some horrible person, mind you..). But she did have something to do with me, and we dated for 2 years, and then married 1.5 years after that. I love her, and I’d be lost without her. Now we’re going to have a child and that makes her even more special to me.

All of this I can see as providence… God putting me on the path to do something for Him. I’m not sure what that is right now, but I look forward to doing something to bless Him in return for the blessings He has given me.

I struggle every day with the thought of not doing a work for God. I constantly pray that I’m doing God’s will. The frustrating part is that I don’t really know what God’s will is for me. I read my Bible every day, and I listen to sermons all day every day (this is not an exaggeration), but I still find myself wondering about what God will do with my life. I’ve never really been a risk-taker, so I usually sit around and wait for things to fall in my lap. But after attending the revival at Bedford Acres Christian Church, I have been enlightened as to what I should do to give myself a chance to do what God has in mind for me.

On the second night of the revival, as Jessica and I were going into the church, I told her that I wish God would call me to do a service or work for Him. Jessica encouraged me by saying that I don’t need to wait for some “big moment” to take place in order to realize that God wants me to do something. I thought that was pretty good advice from my lovely wife! Then we went into the service and David Welsh (Pastor at Hill-n-Dale Christian Church in Lexington) preached a sermon that was completely about putting yourself out there so that God has the chance to use you for a Kingdom work.

He went on to say that if this message seems to be singling you out as you listen, it’s because the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. Him saying that was as though he was talking to me personally. There I was wishing I could know what God wants me to do with my life, and now the pastor (whom I had never met) was preaching a message that seemed to be taylor-made for me. This got me thinking…

A couple of weeks after that, I heard a fiery sermon from our Associate Pastor, and my good friend, Dave Casey. Dave preached about getting up every day and thinking to yourself, “Yes, I need to do something today for God”, and “Yes, I need to read my Bible today.” He went on to say that all of us in the church should be out doing something for the Kingdom of God. I was moved by this sermon, and decided that day to not sit around and wait for God to do some miraculous thing to put me where He wants me, but instead I’ll put myself out there at every opportunity to give Him the opportunity to put me to work for Him.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my boss that had me wondering if programming is really the right thing for me to be doing with my life. I was pretty discouraged about it yesterday, and discouragement even carried over into today when I got up and started working. But around 10am I received an email from Dave that ended with “Remember… God’s got big plans for you!!”

I can’t tell you how much that encouraged me. I began to think about how I will soon be participating in the “Serve The City” program that will be happening in October. That excites me.. to the think that I’ll be doing something for others that will please God! That’s what I want more than anything right now, so now that I have the chance to do that, I’m getting encouraged about my day-to-day walk with Jesus. I’m encouraged that I’m getting myself out there for Him. I’m thankful that God has put me with the wonderful people at Bedford Acres, and that I have such great mentors in Dave Casey, and Jim Hutchison.

One last thing is that I watched a movie with Jessica the other night, called “Akeelah and the Bee”. In that movie was an awesome poem that I will post below:

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

I found this on the Internet and thought it made a very valid point (especially after I just debated with a guy in IRC today about God’s existence):

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists?
A student bravely replied yes, he did!”
“God created everything?” The professor asked.
“Yes, sir,” the student replied.

The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil.”
The student became quiet before such an answer.

The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?” “Of course”, replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?”

“What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question.

The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody and every object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (- 460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have too little heat.

The student continued. “Professor, does darkness exist?”

The professor responded, “Of course it does”.

The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.”

Finally the young man asked the professor. “Sir, does evil exist?”

Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. “These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love, that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”

The professor sat down.

The young mans name — Albert Einstein

Seen on a friend’s blog: “I am pretty happy with my life right now.”

I wish I could say that. I know I could be a lot more miserable in my life if certain things were to happen, but I’m pretty bad off as of right now. Many changes are happening in my life right now, and I find myself lost on how to cope with each change. I’ve usually been a pretty stable guy when it comes to dealing with change, or problems, but lately I’ve found that I’ve become weak, and struggle with everything that comes up in my personal life.

With all the diversity I grew up around, I’m very aware that I owe my life to God for turning out the way I have. Yet, I struggle with giving my life to Him. And it’s not because I feel like I can’t live my life for him. Aside from occassional swearing, I live a sin-free life. So why don’t I do this? Why do I struggle with this? I don’t know the answers to these questions. This is one change that I need to go on and accept. God wants me, so who am I to deny Him after all he’s done for me?

Another thing that keeps coming up in my life is the hatred for programming. I still enjoy it from time to time, but after a while I begin to wonder…where is this going to take me in life? Is this what I’m put here on earth to do? If so, why do I love it for 6 months, and then hate it for 2 or 3 months, and then love it again for 6 months, and then hate it again? There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about this, and wonder if my life is supposed to be spent writing programs, and building websites.

My mother always says that music is my calling. I’ve always thought she was being ridiculous, but I’ve been thinking that over and have become open-minded about it. I have talent, yet I deny myself when admitting to it. I don’t go around bragging on myself or anything, but when I’m truly honest with myself, I will admit that I have a knack for music. I gave up the dream of being a professional musician many years ago, but it’s been resurfacing lately.

I’m not the kind of person to make spur-of-the-moment decisions, so I have a plan…sort of. Get right with God, and let Him steer me where he wants me. That’s really the solution to…well…all of my problems.